Please Your Lovers C-Spot

Posted on May 8, 2012 by drava

There is an erotic erogenous zone that can boost arousal and even magnify orgasmic intensity. The outer edge of the ear is a C-shaped pleasure zone that responds to finger caressing, warm or cool breath, kissing, licking, sucking and delicate biting.

Don’t rush, take your time and be gentle as you tease your lover by moving your tongue and lips gently around the C-spot. Just the right kind of stimulation can be so seductive, it sends erotic chills and creates sexual anticipation of what’s to come.

The C-spot has infinite nerve endings and for some people it is the highest sensitivity in their bodies that can result in an “eargasm” during foreplay or while making love.

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Crossing Boundaries

Posted on April 28, 2012 by drava

Boundaries are acts and activities that establish our comfort zones. Having boundaries gives us self-value and respect. Communicating boundaries to your partner lets them know your limitations and deal breakers. It can be a powerful form of communication between couples that can result in a deeper level of intimacy. Maintaining boundaries contributes to feeling safe and grounded. Boundaries can be defined by gender, sexual orientation and proclivities. Boundaries can also change depending on context, age and opportunities.

So identify your own boundaries and then share them with your partner before they become violated. After all, you can’t blame someone for crossing a boundary that they didn’t know existed.

I tell my clients to create a “Boundary Box” to be aware of and share physical, emotional and sexual boundaries with their partner.

Here’s how:

Write down all of your boundaries on separate pieces of paper or index cards and fill a box with them.  Below are some examples of physical, emotional and sexual boundaries.

Physical boundaries: I have the right to determine when, where, how, and who is going to touch me. I have the right to determine how close someone is going to stand next to me.

  • Don’t touch my butt in public
  • I won’t hug people I don’t know
  • Don’t make out with me in the movies
  • Brush your teeth before you kiss me in the morning
  • I will leave you if you raise your hand to me
  • I won’t kiss people I just met, even on the cheek
  • I won’t dance with anyone I don’t intend to have sex with

Emotional boundaries: What I think or feel or do or don’t do is more about me than it is about you. Conversely, what you think and feel or do or don’t do is more about you than it is about me.

  • Don’t talk about our sex life in public
  • Don’t compare me to other lovers
  • Don’t talk about past relationships
  • Don’t kiss strangers hello or goodbye
  • Don’t flirt with other people
  • Introduce me when we see someone I don’t know
  • I’ll leave you if I find out you’ve been unfaithful

Sexual boundaries: I have the right to determine with whom, where, when and how I am going to be sexual with someone

  • No anal sex
  • I won’t swallow (semen from ejaculation)
  • I don’t want to kiss you after you’ve given me oral sex
  • I don’t want to have a threesome or group sex
  • Don’t go right for my breasts or between my legs
  • I won’t have sex with you when you are watching porn
  • I won’t wait until you have your orgasm to have mine

Why it works: Because if you don’t know what your boundaries are, then you cannot express them or blame your partner for overstepping them.

Caution: Ignored boundaries can be very damaging and you should seek professional help from a sex therapist, counselor or sexologist.

Check out this a link to an original online survey on sexual boundaries with over 1000 participants who explored the social and emotional context for the engagement of sexual boundaries. Particular focus was directed to the intersection between low sexual desire and appetite for sexual novelty.

https://www.loveologyuniversity.com/LUPages/surveys.aspx

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Pheromone Power

Posted on April 22, 2012 by drava

Have you ever been drawn to someone whose smell was intoxicating and you just couldn’t stop thinking about them? That’s called, chemical attraction and is caused by our natural pheromones that are secreted from our glands, which send signals to trigger specific mating responses in our brain. They are sensed by an organ in the nasal passage known as VMO, then send messages to the brain to interpret signals that can include fertility, confidence, sexual attraction, trustworthiness and even success or power. Consequently, pheromones can produce overwhelming attraction, even when the physical attributes are lacking.

Our natural gender specific pheromones include Androstenone associated with alpha male sexual tension, Androstenedione, a chemical found in sweat, Androstenol, the female pheromone associated with romantic interest and Copulines, the female pheromone released during ovulation that has been shown to increase male testosterone.

Pheromones are emitted from our sweat glands, pulse points and anywhere that we have hair, so you can release attraction-boosting signals by going commando, not showering right after exercising and by not wearing deodorant or fragrances that will mask your natural scent. I’m not suggesting that you don’t maintain good hygiene, but bathing with warm water while cutting down on soap will wash off fewer of your body’s pheromones. You can also enhance your pheromones by eating foods high in zinc such as oysters and other fresh seafood aphrodisiacs known to increase testosterone in men and women.

Independent studies have been conducted at leading universities worldwide, such as Stanford University, the University of California at Berkeley, the University of Chicago and the Karolinska Institute, one of Sweden’s oldest medical schools have shown that pheromones do have a profound effect on human behavior.

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Orgasm Workouts

Posted on April 10, 2012 by drava

During workouts some women have reported having exercise-induced orgasms. And they were not doing vagina aerobics to strengthen their pelvic muscles. Butt builder exercises like squats and lunges caused an increase in tension in their lower extremities that lead to the release of orgasms. Even more surprising were Coregasms from working out the abs while doing crunches and hanging leg raises. More predictable were women who admitted they felt aroused when they rolled on top of  a large exercise ball. So with these reports, it’s no wonder that researchers  Debra Herbenick and Dennis Fortenberry decided to conduct an anonymous survey to find out how many women had experienced orgasm, and what types of exercise were likely to elicit such a response. Of the 530 participants surveyed, 124 women did in fact experience exercise-induced orgasm and 246 reported exercise-induced sexual pleasure from an array of physical exercises that included using the “Captain’s Chair” – an ab strengthener, doing chin-ups, climbing poles, biking and even weight lifting. Less likely activities to result in orgasm on the survey were swimming, running and tennis.

Becoming aware that women can orgasm by exercising is a good enough reason to make working out a regular ritual. Taking care of your body inside and out can increase confidence, release feel-good endorphins and improve overall mental, physical, emotional and sexual health. If you don’t have a gym membership, you can still get on the orgasm workout bandwagon by doing your crunches at home. Adding some Kegel exercises to your fitness regiment is my advice to trigger those nerve impulses in the pelvic area and feel orgasmic sensations. Kegels are exercise techniques for strengthening these muscles to increase blood flow, tighten the vagina, improve bladder control,  increase orgasmic ability and even enable female ejaculation during orgasm. Empower your sexuality by exercising your sexual support muscles, which I like to refer to as vagina aerobics that you can do anytime, anywhere and nobody will know why you look so happy!

The survey report on exercise-induced orgasms is published in a special issue of Sexual and Relationship Therapy, a leading peer-reviewed journal in the area of sex therapy and sexual health. Co-author is J. Dennis Fortenberry, M.D., professor at the IU School of Medicine and Center for Sexual Health Promotion affiliate.

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Vacation Romances

Posted on March 29, 2012 by drava

Vacation romances are exciting because they can happen so fast that you go from flirting to fellatio, to falling in love in just a few days. But beware, as most vacation romances don’t last, so don’t profess your love prematurely to someone you just met.

The change of atmosphere adds to the romantic fairy tale, far away from the patterns of daily responsibilities. If your vacation is at a romantic destination with the sounds of waves crashing on the beach, warm tropical weather and you feel relaxed, happy and horny there’s a good chance you will be easily tempted to hook up with the first good prospect you meet. You can expect the highs to be very fulfilling, but the lows could come crashing down once you wake up sober or find yourself with an STD from having unprotected sex.

You can still have a great time on vacation, let loose and explore romantic opportunities, but set some boundaries for yourself so that you have no regrets. For example, go to first base on the first date, second base on the second date, third base on third date and a home run with protection on the fourth date. Or you can wait to make love until after the vacation to see if you still have the same chemistry. You’ll soon find out if the other person is genuinely interested in getting to know you or if he or she just wants to get laid. If they don’t ask you about your life, get uncomfortable talking about themselves or avoid sharing information about their family, friends and work, you may just want to remain platonic buddies.

Vacation romances can lead to falling in love and a lasting relationship with someone special if you are lucky, but be aware of the possible pitfalls. Enjoy your vacation and treat yourself as if you are madly in love with you, then you can’t get hurt.

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Threesomes and New Relationship Energy

Posted on March 26, 2012 by drava

Have you ever thought about what it would be like to add another person to your relationship? Not just for sex, but to fill in a void and share your love to build an even stronger relationship. No couple can give each other everything they need for a mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually satisfying relationship. So, another alternative that some couples are exploring is to add a new person who can communicate, who will listen, be willing to compromise and have a sexual relationship with them. This is called New Relationship Energy (NRE) and is appealing to more couples who want to stay together, but frustrated by the restriction of monogamy.

If you want to be part of this movement, be sure to do your homework by educating yourself on different kinds of open relationships and discuss your intentions with your partner so that you are both on the same page. You want to address the pros and the cons of bringing in a new person, so making a list of the benefits and the consequences is a great way to begin.

Benefits of New Relationship Energy (NRE) may include:

  1. Getting additional attention
  2. Exploring bisexuality
  3. Expanding horizons
  4. Avoiding cheating
  5. Satisfying a natural curiosity
  6. Watching someone pleasure your partner
  7. Learning to love in new ways
  8. Diffusing dependency
  9. Sharing relationship obligations
  10. Learning new skills

The consequences of New Relationship Energy (NRE) may include:

  1. Being judged by outsiders
  2. Renegotiating the relationship
  3. Feeling jealous
  4. Being competitive
  5. Sexual hang-ups
  6. Unconventional lifestyle
  7. Lack of acceptance
  8. Fear of abandonment
  9. Too much conflict
  10. Lack of commitment

If you are interested in learning more about open relationships, check out this course on Polyamory.

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When are you Ready to have Sex?

Posted on March 16, 2012 by drava

  If you are thinking about having sex with someone, but not sure you’re ready, read these 10 signs before you give in to pressure. Knowing when you are ready for sex is a personal decision and a choice that you should make because you want to have sex.

You should be aware that the age of sexual consent differs around the world, so be sure to find out exactly what age is legal before you do anything you might regret. In the United States the age of consent ranges between 16 and 21. In the United Kingdom it’s 16 and it’s the same in India, but in Spain, the age of consent is only 13.  Check out the age of consent  to discover the legal age in your neck of the woods.

So, when do you know that you are ready to have sex? Here are my top 10 signs that you are ready to have sex:

1. When you know the reason why you want to have sex

2. When you understand your body

3. When you can control your emotions

4. When you can talk about sex before having sex

5. When you can talk about your feelings before and after having sex

6. When you know the other person’s sexual history

7. When you have FDA approved condoms on hand

8. When you know you won’t have any regret after having sex

9. When you know the difference between love, intimacy and sex

10. When having sex is a joint consensual agreement between adults.

Sex is a choice, which means that you can say, “NO”, “Not Now”, “Later” or “Yes”,  but when in doubt, do not have sex until you feel confident about the above 10 signs that you are ready, willing and able to have sex.

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Secrets to Empowerment

Posted on March 11, 2012 by drava

AWAKEN YOUR EMPOWERMENT SO IT WILL BE AT YOUR FINGERTIPS WHEN YOU MOST WANT AND NEED IT WITH THESE 3 SECRETS.

SECRET #1 ROMANCE YOURSELF. TREAT YOURSELF AS IF YOU ARE MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU…EVERY DAY!

BEGIN BY IDENTIFYING WHAT MAKES YOU LOVABLE & GIVE YOURSELF ALL THE COMPLIMENTS YOU DESERVE.SO WHAT COMPLIMENT IS MOST MEANINGFULL TO YOU? IS IT A PHYSICAL, MENTAL, APPRECIATIVE OR SEXUAL COMPLIMENT? ALL OF THEM MAKE US FEEL GOOD, SO PRACTICE GIVING YOURSELF AT LEAST ONE OF EACH EVERY SINGLE DAY. TELL YOURSELF, “I’M HOT, SMART, KIND AND A GREAT LOVER.”

CELEBRATE YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS BIG AND SMALL BY REWARDING YOURSELF REGULARLY. WHAT DOES YOUR REWARD LOOK LIKE? IS IT LUNCH WITH A FRIEND, BUYING NEW CLOTHES, TAKING A NAP, WATCHING A MOVIE OR GIVING YOURSELF AN ORGASM?

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN PLEASURE; DON’T WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO GIVE IT TO YOU. IF YOU WANT TO FEEL SENSUAL, DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET INTO A JUICY FRAME OF MIND. AWAKEN YOUR SENSES BY HEIGHTENING THEM WITH EROTIC TURN ONS, SUCH AS SCENTED CANDLES, WARM BATH, ROMANTIC MUSIC, A GLASS OF WINE OR SOME DELICIOUS DESERT.

ROMANCING YOURSELF ALSO MEANS FORGIVING YOURSELF, STOPPING NEGATIVE SELF-TALK AND FACING YOUR BIGGEST FEARS WITH UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

SECRET #2 POSITIVE PEAK MEMORIES. TAP INTO YOUR MOST POSITIVE PEAK MEMORIES TO EXPERIENCE PLEASURE ANYTIME, ANY PLACE.

Close your eyes and recall a moment when you felt on top of the world. HOW ABOUT A BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION YOU HAD, A WEDDING, A BIRTH, A GRADUATION, GETTING A RAISE, A NEW CLIENT, OR A GREAT DATE.

This can have powerful results in reprogramming the subconscious mind and flooding your body with feel good endorphins, as your brain doesn’t know the difference between whether you are thinking or experiencing your positive peak moments.

Start saying YES to more positive peak moments and NO to people making demands on your valuable time, as it’s the most precious gift to give to yourself.

SECRET #3 PERCEPTION RECOGNITION. GET OTHERS TO PERCEIVE YOU THROUGH YOUR EYES. SO ASK YOURSELF, “HOW DO I WANT TO BE PERCEIVED BY MY PARTNER, MY FRIENDS, MY ASSOCIATES, EVEN MY COMPETITORS?

THINK OF 3 ADJECTIVES TO DESCRIBE HOW YOU WANT TO BE PERCEIVED. DO YOU WANT TO BE PERCEIVED AS PASSIONATE? POWERFUL? PLAYFUL? SMART? CREATIVE? SEDUCTIVE? FUNNY? POSITIVE? STRONG? OR OTHER?

YOU CAN IMPACT OTHERS TO PERCEIVE YOU THROUGH YOUR BODY LANGUAGE, YOUR FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, THE SOUND AND PROJECTION OF YOUR VOICE AND YOUR ACTIONS.

FACIAL EXPRESSIONS ARE UNIVERSAL AS EMOTIONS FOR HAPPINESS, SADNESS, ANGER, SURPRISE & FEAR.

BODY MOVEMENTS & POSTURE COMMUNICATES CONFIDENCE, INSECURITY, SEXINESS, INHIBITIONS, SELF-LOVE AND SELF-DOUBT.

GESTURES ARE EXPRESSIONS OF OUR EMOTIONS, SO BEWARE OF HOW YOU USE YOUR HANDS.

EYE CONTACT CAN COMMUNICATE INTEREST, ATTRACTION, SURPRISE, FEAR AND LOVE.

THE PROJECTION OF YOUR VOICE IS NOT JUST WHAT YOU SAY, BUT HOW YOU SAY IT WHICH CAN CONVEY UNDERSTANDING AND APPROVAL.

SO THE SECRETS TO EMPOWERMENT INCLUDE ROMANCING YOURSELF, TAPPING INTO YOUR POSITIVE PEAK MEMORIES AND PERCEIVING YOURSELF THE WAY YOU WANT OTHERS TO PERCEIVE YOU. TAKE CHARGE, EMPOWER YOURSELF AND BE 10 TIMES BOLDER IN YOUR LIFE SO THAT YOU HAVE NO REGRETS.

BE MORE PLAYFUL IN THE BEDROOM AND IF YOU NEED ANY IDEAS, GET MY NEW BOOK CALLED “THE SEXY LITTLE BOOK OF SEX GAMES” BY ALPHA/PENGUIN PUBLISHING TO INSPIRE YOU AT: http://is.gd/EVY16r

BY RELEASING THAT CONFIDENT, POWERFUL ENERGY FROM WITHIN, YOU WILL DO WONDERS FOR YOURSELF IN YOUR SOCIAL LIFE, YOUR CAREER, IN THE BEDROOM AND IN EVERY OTHER AREAS OF YOUR LIFE.

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Passion Power for Women

Posted on March 1, 2012 by drava

I’m giving a seminar for women and having a book signing on Sunday, March 11 and I hope you can join me.
The event is called Pamper Me Fabulous and is located at the luxurious Vibiana in Downtown Los Angeles.
Below is all the information about this fun event.

Seminar Title:
Passion Power: The Art of Pleasure with Dr. Ava Cadell.
Seminar Location & Time:
Vibiana
214 South Main Street (Cross Street: 2nd)
Downtown Los Angeles, CA 90012
Sunday, March 11, 2011 @ 3:30PM

Seminar Description:
Unleash your feminine power through the art of pleasure to feel more confident, secure, strong, liberated and fulfilled in and out of the bedroom.

I will be signing my new book The Sexy Little Book of Sex Games following the seminar!
Books will be available for purchase and you get a FREE sex toy when you buy one.

I’m also having a FREE raffle and giving away a Certified Master Sexpert program to one lucky winner valued at $1000.00.

Spend a day with the girls and the things you love! Pamper Me Fabulous celebrates YOU on Sunday, March 11, 2012 at the stunning Vibiana in a full day of inspirational programming for mind, body, spirit. This ultimate Women’s Day Out from 11am-5pm features workouts, workshops, shopping, beauty, spa, health, and wellness bests, free flowing bubbly, desserts, a gift bag and uplifting energy.

Big personalities, motivational speakers, and industry professionals will speak on a variety of topics  and answer your questions – from self love to inspiration to beauty/spa – in Pamper Me Fabulous’ “The Expert Corner.”

In “The Activity Area,” you can choose to stretch, tone and workout in a variety of fitness classes, have some fun at the photo booths, take a taste-testing class, or take part in fun and engaging crafts!

And while in “The Bazaar” marketplace, be sure relax and grab lunch while hanging in the lounges, enjoy free flowing drinks and desserts, partake in retail therapy, and discover, purchase and sample the latest and greatest in spa treatments, beauty, fitness, fashion, health and wellness.

Of course the day will end sweetly, especially as you get a gift bag – with products you love from all of our fabulous sponsors and exhibitors so you can take home some of the pampering with you!

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Please your Partner with Power Play

Posted on February 25, 2012 by drava

In the sex community, BDSM are four letters that stand for six words—Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. It’s a playground teeming with games to utilize the exchange of power to heighten pleasure and tantalize the senses. So lets explore the titillating world of these power exchange sex games from my new book, The Sexy Little Book of Sex Games, where you and your partner trade off being sexually dominant and submissive to one another. You will need an open mind, mutually trusting hearts and a bit of imagination to let these games be fun and exciting for you and your partner. Some other key ingredients include trust, respect, consent, good negotiation skills, honesty, and great communication. Some of the sex games may include being tied up or blindfolded, so having a solid sense of trusting your partner to have your best interests in hand is important.

Blind Love
Flip a coin to see who is going to be blindfolded and then lead your lover to the bed. Undress and ravish him or her with total abandon, which should be easy because they can’t see you.

Punishment Box
Keep a secret box of “punishments” to use on your lover when it’s time for some fun. Have a set of cards with erotic punishments written on each one so that you can pick one randomly. Punishments can range from being tied up, blindfolded, and deprived of orgasm, spanked, or humiliated by walking around naked wearing a leash.

Wrestle Mania
Challenge your partner to a nude wrestling match and experience foreplay the Greco-Roman way. For an added twist, consider greasing yourself up with oil and incorporating aspects of bond- age. Would wrestling blindfolded change the dynamic? Try and find out.

Lusty Shopping Spree
Go with your partner to a dollar store and each fill up your own baskets with 10 items to use for power exchange games. For example, a spatula for caning, pantyhose for blindfolding, clothespins for pinching, bobby pins for scratching, an oven mitt for spanking, and tape for tying. After 15 minutes of shopping, get together and compare. The person to reach 10 items first wins.

Top and Bottom Satisfaction
Take turns switching between being a Top and a Bottom so that you can be a dominant one day and a submissive the next. As a Top, you can take away your slave’s senses to make any punishment experience more intense. Take away their sense of sight with a blindfold, remove their sense of touch by restraining them, and deprive them of hearing with earplugs or earmuffs. Now you can stroke your lover’s body with ice or any other textures.

For more playful ways to add passion to your love life, get The Little Book of Sexy Games by Alpha/Penguin Publishing  http://is.gd/EVY16r

 

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